dear, dad. i remember when you were my hero. I remember going fishing with you. I remember playing video games as your character. I remember telling other boys that you could beat up their dads. I remember when you would make me dinner. I remember you waking me up. I remember the texture of the backseat of your orange car. I remember the smell of the duck pond we used to walk by. I remember the heavy sounds of your footsteps. I remember what you did.

I remember what you did.

I remember the look on your face. I remember the holes you punched. I remember how loud your voice was. I remember the fear you gave me. I remember the things you threw. I remember the things you broke. I remember what life was like before you did those things. I remember who you were before you tried to kill yourself. I remember caring about you. I remember crying about you. I remember the person I was. I remember how living felt because what I feel now is anything but that. I remember when you were my hero, but now you’re just a memory.